Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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