But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
