Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
