What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
