airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
