Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
