Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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