Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
