my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
