Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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