Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
