Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
