Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
