oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
