i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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