So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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