you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
