Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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