i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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