I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
