Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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