I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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