Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
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I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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