the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
