i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
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Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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