I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize