Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
