i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
