fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
