i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
