Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
