This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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