I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
