I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
