It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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