thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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