I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
