i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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