I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Welp...herpes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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