Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize