My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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