now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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