bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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