drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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