Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
