I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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