just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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