At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
