Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
