Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
