I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize