Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
