Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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