My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it