Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS