Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
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I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS