so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?