I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
