how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she looked like the before picture.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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