Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize