in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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