Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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