U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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