Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
