it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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