By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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