I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
