My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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