I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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