I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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