North Korea, Best Korea!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
