DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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