i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
