He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
