I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
